Sex, Lies, and the Autobot Leader
(or The Crush)
by Phantom
Author's note: BEWARE: this fic is extremely rated, full of vulgar language as well as explicit sexual description and innuendo.
Chapter Sixteen
rating: non-sexual
Crystal lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Once again, dark tendrils had snaked into her peaceful rest mode and disturbed her thoughts, waking her with a jolt, trembling and sweating coolant. She clenched her fists and tried desperately to get her rampaging systems under control. After a few minutes, her functions began to resume their normal pace, and she sank back against the berth, drained. She reached out to caress Optimus' cheek, but he flinched away from her touch. She tried to not let it disturb her, thinking that perhaps he was dreaming about the Decepticons, but a part of her was deeply hurt. He was supposed to like her touch!
'You aren't getting away so easily!' she thought, taking his head firmly in her hands and kissing him lingeringly. It must have worked, for a dreamy smile crossed his slumbering features. "That's better," she admonished him, holding his face still for her admiration.
Optimus let out a breathy sigh, wrapped deep in recharge. "Mm ah," he murmured, struggling to form words. "I love you..." he managed, and Crystal's heart soared. He *did* love her after all! Which made his next word all the more crushing, as he went on to say, "...Alita...."
Crystal dropped his head, and it snapped back to land on the pillow with a muted thud. She backed away, both hands clamped in horror, muffling the small choking sounds that slipped from her throat. No! Primus, no! Please, please, *please* let this be just another terrible dream! She slapped herself roughly across the face. The stinging pain was much more mental than physical as she realized that this was all too real. Though the whole situation felt so surreal, and the darkness gave it a nightmarish edge, she could fool herself no longer. Optimus had inadvertently confessed his true soul's feelings. He was indeed in love, but not with her. Oh, never with her! Perhaps he had tried to convince himself that he cared for her, since she needed him so much, but despite her immense experience in satisfying males, nothing she could do could make him love her the way she so desperately loved him.
Optimus' functions booted up quickly as he felt his head fall back. His optics struggled to focus, making out a small, sobbing figure curled up on the other side of the recharge berth. "Wha? What's going on?"
The sound of his voice merely caused Crystal to cringe away, sobbing harder. "It's all true! You don't love me! Oh, Primus, take my spark now! I have nothing left in this world," she cried, barely intelligible through her sobs.
"Deities help me," Optimus whispered, staring at the shattered femme. He knew deep down that there was nothing he could do to repair such a grievous wound. 'Her love for me has only brought her pain. Primus, am I cursed to hurt everyone that has cared for me?' "This has to stop!" he said aloud. No more would he lead Crystal astray. He had to set her straight on how things were between them. He had hoped that his caring would be enough, that perhaps in time he would come to love her, but he had only been deluding himself, just has her fantasies of him blinded her to the true nature of their relationship.
Crystal straightened up to look at him, tears still streaming endlessly down her face. Optimus felt an emotional wound tear itself wide open in his chest at the pitiful gaze, but he steeled himself against it. There would be plenty of time for regrets later, but now there was something that had to be said. "Crystal, I'm sorry, but I do not love you. I do care for you and your well-being, but there can never be anything romantic between us. I apologize for inadvertently taking advantage of you, but by breaking off this relationship with you, I hope to set things right. You deserve someone who will love you whole-heartedly, without reservation. I am not that male and never could be. Much as I have tried to deny it, I still love Alita One, and can only hope that one day she will come back to me. Please do not be sad. You deserve so much better."
"You still lie!" Crystal cried through the tears. "I know that you want to let me down easily, but such a thing is just not possible. I know that I do not deserve true love, but a part of me hoped that you could still care for me in spite of my flaws. Now I realize that I am not fit to be anyone's mate. I'm sorry that I forced myself upon you. I'll go now." She got up off of the recharge berth shakily, heading for the door. She turned suddenly and fixed her former love with a penetrating gaze. "Alita and I have never been the best of friends. In fact," she laughed bitterly, "we have quite the little rivalry. I always hated her so, because she had you, and you were everything I ever wanted in a mech. But now I see that I can never have anyone like you, and I have to accept it. Much as it pains me to say it, I want you to be happy, and if your happiness is with her, then so be it. I won't interfere. Just be happy. Soon you'll forget all about me, and that's for the best."
"Crystal, wait!" Optimus cried out, struck to the core with horror at how badly all of this had turned out. But it was too late. She was gone, leaving him alone in his darkened quarters. 'Am I doomed to be alone forever?' he asked himself. 'Am I unfit to truly love? Or is it not too late? Perhaps I can get Alita back after all. But first I had better follow Crystal. I don't want her to do anything rash! In this state of mind, who knows what she may do!"
end of Chapter Sixteen
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